Blood. Will. Run. Boy, they weren't kidding. The award for limb shearing, skull cleaving, flesh rending, bone shattering movie of the year goes to this siege film.
In the year 1215, King John "Lackland" lays siege to Rochester Castle in retaliation for having to return it under terms signed in the Magna Carta. Paul Giamatti plays King John with pure hammy goodness, almost stealing the show from it's first star: the unfettered violence.
There's only two movie scenes that made me feel the visceral thrill of flashing steel against flesh:
1. When the Scots stormed the field in Braveheart.
2. King John's army storming Rochester Castle in Ironclad.
Trebuchets fling stone, smashing castle walls and flattening skulls. Boiling oil is splashed mercilessly on ladder climbing invaders. Axes and swords disemember limbs, throats are hacked open, men are flung from catapults. There's even one jaw dropping scene where a two-handed sword literally cuts a man in half. It's the Rochester Chainsaw Massacre.
Unfortunately, aside from those eye popping scenes, there's not much to soak up from this movie, outside of Giamatti's performance. Despite a huge cast of stars, it's filled with cliche characters and dialogue. Even screen vets like Charles Dance, Derek Jacobi and Brian Cox cannot save the worn out and unimaginative script. James Purefoy doesn't seem ready yet to be cast in a starring role, albeit he does have some flashes of talent. Kate Mara stalks Purefoy's character with a sexual longing that borders on ridiculous. Even the wildy entertaining Jason Flemying (Brad Pitt's red haired pal in Snatch) seems lacklustre and grey. The one plus, outside of Giamatti, was the return of the viking king, Buliwyf, from The Thirteenth Warrior. Vladimir Kulich, the most criminally underused actor Hollywood never capitalized on, returns in full flowing lock greatness as Tiberius, King John's Danish general. Great to see him return; imposing still, with his magnificent screen presence.
Action fans, this is a must. There's no escaping the sheer brutal magnificence of the battle scenes. It's unfortunate the rest of the movie never funneled the same zeal into character and script. Giamatti 's talent in full bloom fully accentuates everybody elses weak performances.
Still, for mindless bloody fun, this one delivers. 7.5/10
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